POEMS I NEVER UPLOAD 2

 " And it scares me to think that a day will come that i'll 
look at you and not feel a thing, that those eyes won't be 
so familiar, that your smile won't pill the strings of this
broken heart. But that is the very problem, that my 
heart was meant to be broken by you, not settled in you.
It scares me to think one day someone will replace 
you and makes me smile and i'll be happy with her.
To think that you'll become nothing more than a memory
somewhere in the past
It scares me to think that i'll think of love and your
name won't be carved in my heart. Because although
loving you is my destruction, it's my comfort. So let me
hold onto you for a moment longer and feel the feeling
of not just loving, but loving you "

" No amount of time can answer the things buried deep
within me, lost somewhere in the broken parts of my world
Left like a chapter tucked away in the walls of my heart,
never to opened again. Never to be answered . Just there to stay
and  forever be reminder of this love
The kind that never surfaced, the kind that
took a apart of me down with her . 
A part no longer mine and no longer hers .
just like the buried things
lost somewhere in the forever "

" If this is all we were meant to be , then let me at least
make you one beautiful story. I will write about
you until the end of my time, and you will inspire the
words within me that touch all lives around. And
although no one will know of your beautiful face, they
will know of your beautiful soul. The world will know
the things about you that you never saw in yourself and
i promise that i will search my whole life to fit you into
words and into a story . For you are something beyond
that, you are the greatest love story inside a broken human
And i have finally made sense of what we are
meant to be. 

I am a writer after all, and you are my greatest story"

" In another life
i write homes for you
on the pages of our days
in another life
we travel enough
to fill libraries for generations"

" sometimes i find you
as a lamp post
on the street corner
of  my mind

a fixture on the road
i used to call home "

- ALASKA AWMA

DEAR ALASKA , AGAIN

Days were simpler back then
when we drove without a clock
and love without a lock

we bared our souls

under cover of rain

and relished the way

it kept our secrets

on couches we discovered ourselves
on floors we spilled ourselves
on pages we defined ourselves

Flying with the breeze 
and talking with the stars
peeling ourselves from
the sofa in front of the window

where we dismantled our wishes and worries

we found shivers in 

the eager autumn chill 

and warmth in the words

of the sweetest poets

Laughing more than we talked

dreaming as we held the future

loving with gasoline coursing through our veins

every touch a spark lightning

we were more than we knew

what to do with

the days before unfinished stories

and leftover promises

i don't know if this 

is how i miss you

or how i leave you 

( but something tells me

this is how i keep you )

- Alaska awma

DEAR ALASKA

 We were settlers of a faraway land 
traversing roads all at once foreign and familiar.
Do you remember the nights spent
foraging for food in stranger
supermarkets? We seasoned red meats in dimly 
lit kitchens and marinated our hearts 
in the rush of escaping reality . 
We were crafting recipes for a future 
we didn't know would never be made 

We were weekend warriors, wild by nature 
and nothing was impossible for us 

A drive of four hours, three bridges ,
two podcast and one place that will
always carry your spirits in its name.
It was never too far when you were
the home waiting for me
on the other side .

_ Alaska awma

SOME POEMS I NEVER UPLOAD

You are sleepy from life

And I am on my way to see you 

In these thirty seconds

We are forever suspended in a state

Of never having reached each other

And the truth is

A part of me will always be on my way 

 

-Alaska awma

If the length of the time

I had left on this earth 

Were the sum of the words

I could write for you

I would write you to Jupiter and beyond

_ alaska 

Will you allow me

To dream you into my life?

Would you be the content

To exist in a story

Of a chapter yet to exist?

Because isn't that the thing with writers?

They see five chapters ahead

And if you're on their mind

You're already loved

- Alaska

They say sleeping alot is a sign of depression

But little do they know

In my dreams you were mine

- alaska 

Just like the tomato 

In your egg

You want me there

But you don't want me

- alaska 

IN CASE YOU NEED THIS

 Maybe time will heal the pain of that person gone. Those late night phone calls and warm cuddles will eventually become faint memories of another existence. There may come a day when you have to strain and remember the sound of the laughter that you would once do anything to hear, but their smile , my goodness, their smile will always remain engraved in your mind; it's hard to forget a smile that had so much power over how you, yourself, felt. But being the reason for that smile will no longer feel like the grandest honor because causing your own smile has become more important. You'll lose sense of how it felt when they traced their hands along your back and laced their hands in yours. The high from their texts will subside and you'll find yourself moving on . Your heart won't feel as heavy and you'll become used to the notion of life without them. It's not because you no longer care for them but because they can't appreciate all that you are. Getting over them won't be easy but here's to a season of progression and recognition of self worth. Time will continue to piece our hearts back together and gravitate us away from the uncertainties of their " maybes " . We will grow apart from what once an advance into what will serves us now. 

Take care of yourself and your needs; drink water, eat healthy, take time to enjoy baths, facemasks, sunsets and unforgettable nights with the people you love in which you're laughing and singing in the car during the wee hours of the morning . Although you deserve that fulfilling job, don't force it upon yourself to know everything. The world is full of mysteries and no one truly has it 100% together . So enjoy everyday as if you were your last and squeeze all of life's juice out while you still have the chance. It may seem irresponsible , irrational even , to rely on spontaneity to guide us through life, but life is a mess as it is so just do anything that makes you happy, you'll be thankful you did, i promise .

" Let's go for a long drive with the windows down. Let's listen to old classic 90's and talk about this wild thing called ' life ' until we end up somewhere beautiful " - Alaska Awma 

I'M TIRED

 You won't  be able to do it all, sometimes. Life has a way of bombarding us with expectations, responsibilities, and commitments that eat away at the time spent on self-expression: time for focusing on oneself and relieving any suppressed emotions from over the course of the day. If we don't prioritize time for ourselves in the midst of everyday chaos, it can be perceived as a form of disrespect towards oneself. To think that , out of 24 hours, we neglect moments of reflection and realization in place of what the world deems as important, can be disheartening. We tend to hurt ourselves in the process of trying to please everyone and satisfy the unwavering high standards we maintain. We spend sleepless nights finishing assignments, adhering to the disparities of others, and disregarding the increasing distance between ourselves and the advancement upon the path of self-discovery. Consistent mental breakdowns should not be normal. You shouldn't have to force-feed yourself against a stomach that remains full of anxiety, impatience and falsified fear of letting yourself down. Loneliness and misunderstanding shouldn't leave you paralyzed in hysterical tears that makes you question what exactly you're doing in life . Oftentimes , trying to achieve everything at the same time isn't the pathway to clarity, but rather that of confusion. Realize that, as a human being , you're doing the very best you can to make the ends meet , but at the prize of your mental health. Life will keep throwing dodgeball at you and it gets to the point where you have to pick your battles instead fighting them all at once for the sake of your sanity. You can't expect yourself to operate at an optimum level with an internal tank that's running low on physical and emotional energy. In a world that has the tendency to distract you from the importance of self-care, have the courage to put your well-being at the forefront. Only then can you contribute to the world in the most genuine and heartfelt of ways. 

life cause you to crumble once in a while to give you no other option but to change your perspective, stop resisting your growth - Alaska Awma 

INTERSTELLAR

As a kid I've always been fascinated by stars and our universe, Galaxies and planets. I would look at them like it's one of us , stare at them for hours not only because they're beautiful but also because I beleive that there's something in it. Comes winter with clear skies at night, I would wake up at 2 am in the morning just to go out at our balcony and stare at the stars for hours instead of sleeping because I don't know how to really say this but There's something in them that's so calm and i feel like they make you feel at peace. It was a cure for my depression, cure for my anxiety and it makes me happy. Yeah stars makes me happy like no other things does .I don't know about you but I hope it feels the same to you.

The first time I watched Interstellar was way back in March. I've always been a fan of Sci-fi movie specially something that has to do with planets and astronauts since I was a kid and to be honest my aim in life in middle was to be an astronaut haha . And The Martian started by Matt Damon used to be my favourite because it reaches a new level . Colonizing Mars. And the science behind it. Gravity, The space between us  , they were my favourites. See for me the science movie before interstellar had some similarities in them ,you went to space and something happens and they rescue you or you find your way back . But Interstellar , for me, changed the whole game. It changes the face of Sci-fi movies for me atleast.Why? Because it involves TIME. Something we have no control of. See time is the most ruthless thing in this universe , it doesn't care about who you are, it doesn't care about your feelings, it doesn't care about what you do. Time is consistent and fair . It doesn't wait for anybody it just moves on forward. 

Interstellar was the movie the change the way we see time and the values of time. I'm not going deep into the movie but I'm just saying how I feel about the movie. That movie change me and my views of time and how we should value time because Whatever happen has happened and what will happen will happen and that's the hard thruth. I wish I could say more but I need to cook so I have to go..hahah.. 

" I'm not afraid of death, I'm afraid of time "