OF STEAM AND STILLNESS

 The mind, left unexamined, becomes an echo chamber of inherited limitations— a prison built from the bricks of other people's fears, society's narrow definitions, and your own unconscious surrender to what feels safe. We spend our lives defending beliefs we never chose, repeating patterns we never questioned, living inside boundaries we never drew.

The tragedy isn't that we're trapped; it's that we've forgotten we ever had the key. We mistake our conditioning for our character, our programming for our personality, our story for our soul. The Matrix captured this perfectly when Morpheus tells Neo that the mind makes it real-that the limitations we experience aren't properties of the world but projections of belief. The war isn't out there in some external system; it's fought in the invisible battlefield of your own consciousness, where every thought you entertain and every story you rehearse becomes the architecture of your experienced reality.

To free your mind is to undergo a kind of controlled demolition of everything you thought was solid. It's the willingness to stand in the terrifying spaciousness of not knowing, to release your death grip on certainty, to watch your carefully constructed identity dissolve and discover what remains. This isn't comfortable. Most people, offered genuine freedom, will choose familiar suffering over unfamiliar possibility every single time. We'd rather be right about our limitations than wrong about our potential. We'd rather live in a small story we understand than a vast mystery we don't. But here's the secret that changes everything: your thoughts are not facts, your feelings are not commands, and your past is not a prophecy. The moment you truly understand this— not intellectually but in your bones - you realize you've been living in a self-imposed simulation, endlessly recycling the same fears, replaying the same defeats, proving the same limiting beliefs right. The freed mind doesn't think different thoughts; it sees through the tyranny of thought itself.

What emerges on the other side of this liberation is almost impossible to describe to someone still inside the prison. Life becomes fluid where it was fixed, possible where it was predetermined, alive where it was merely automatic. You stop being a character in a story written long ago and become the author, the page, and the blank space all at once. This doesn't mean you suddenly have supernatural powers or transcend human limitation-it means you stop adding imaginary limitations on top of the real ones. You engage with life directly, unmediated by the protective but suffocating layers of judgment, assumption, and fear. The freed mind moves through the world with a strange combination of absolute commitment and complete non-attachment, building sandcastles with utter seriousness while knowing the tide is coming. This is the power that was always available: not the power to control reality, but the freedom to stop being controlled by your thoughts about reality. And in that space between stimulus and response, between what happens and what you make it mean, lies the entirety of human freedom.

There's no deadline for life. None for getting married, having kids, becoming financially stable, getting a job, or finding your path in life. Life unfolds in ways we can't predict, moving at a pace that is uniquely our own. I hope you allow yourself to live fully and freely, without the weight of time pressing down on you. Without the fear that you're too late, that you've missed your chance at love, stability, or purpose.I hope you never believe that your life is confined to a script written by a society that has been wrong about so much.Society clings to timelines, to expectations, to the idea that certain things must happen by a certain age,but life has never worked that way. Some things come early, some take longer, and some arrive in ways you never saw coming. There is no single path, no perfect timing, no rulebook that decides when your life truly begins. So I hope you let go of the pressure, the comparisons, the fear that you're not where you're supposed to be. You are. And life is still unfolding in ways you can't yet see.

25

I love being horribly straightforward. I love sending reckless text messages (because how reckless can a form of digitized communication be?) and telling people I love them and telling people they are absolutely magical humans and I cannot believe they really exist. I love saying,"You're a good person," and,

"You brighten my day."

 I live my life as straight-forward as possible.

Because one day, I might get hit by a bus.

Maybe it's weird. Maybe it's scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be—to just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them in some way whether its your feet on their thighs on the couch or your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands.

But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate.

And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care.

We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back.

We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans.

We never know when the bus is coming.

Panic attack

 It all begins around 2 years back.I used  to get this thoughts like something wrong is about to happen to me . At the beginning it was slow  and it ends quick. But at time goes on it starts consuming me . The fear I should say. Once that fear strikes it ends up creating drama in my head , like something Is inside my throat that  is blocking  me from  breathing. And that create delusions in my head , like I’m gonna die. And Sometimes it’s not only the fear that consumes me. It’s the overthinking and  fear of dying that scares me. At times I get  this Feeling like i have no one which is true in some case; and when that fear strikes I used to wonder around for people to talk to . Sometimes i just blind text someone or called up an old friend cause i was afraid and i feel like I need company during that time . To be honest no one was really there most of the times. Sometimes I just cry 😂 . I cry myself to sleep. Because it usually ends up in me eating my SOS pills that calms me down. I know I’m not alone and I have friends that care about me but what can I do when my mind constantly think about it in the opposite way . At times I thought of just giving up and let the fear consume me because I rather not feel like this than feel like this . At times when I go to bed I used to keep my door unlocked in purpose so when something happens at night my friends can come quickly and help me or I know this sounds bad , if I end up dying my body would be discover early . I used to think like that . But the thing I learn from this panic attack and the main thing I wanna point out from Here is that , the mind is so powerful  that sometimes it puts you in a situation that you don’t want to be but you are more powerful. You’re the one who can controls your mind . If someone who’s facing the same thing is reading this .. you’re not alone .. this is not a cry for help although it is kinda but it’s more of an awareness. I know at times we’re afraid and we don’t know what to do but surrounding yourself with the right people will help and learning to control your mind even though it’s hard but telling yourself that you’ll get through this . Everything will be okay at the end. If it’s not okay , it’s not the end . 

 

Love 

POEMS I NEVER UPLOAD 3

We grew fonder nights after nights

Talks after talks 

We travel unto the universe

And fell with it's weight

- Alaska

I hope you know that

Certain things still reminds me of you

I stop in my tracks

For a few seconds

Wondering if you think of me too

- Alaska

You are still casually

Floating in the sea 

of my memory,

So I choose to

Drown myself instead

Alaska

We sketched avenues And alleys

Bridges, between you and I

We pretend we understand permanence

The world tips

And the needle dashes sharply

The chalkly dust and angles of our path,

Smearing and dissolving to the wind

Another day, another wish drifts into particles

The wind and gravity behaves as it will

Unconcerned with the intention of artists

- Alaska

For every word 

You didn't say

I've imagined a hundred

In their place

Making my mind a work of fiction,

At best

- Alaksa

I think the fact that you come to mind

And I end up messaging you somewhere

Everytime I'm sitting at the core of myself

Is something to be noted,

Here I am noting it

Call me a Writer but

What is life if not writing love notes 

To anyone and everyone

And falling in love with those who writes back

- Alaska

I would write the seasons for you

- Alaska

Being Human

 Our days are like puzzle pieces. When you initially spill all of the pieces out onto the floor and take a look at each one individually, they don't makes sense. You have no idea where each piece will fit in the puzzle. You might not even be able to decipher the fractured images on certain pieces. Over time, however, the pieces, just like your days will start to come together. They will start to makes sense. You'll realize why one piece had smooth edges and another jagged. You'll realize why the next piece had indecipherable patterns and the other crystal clear images. When you put in the time and effort to put each unique piece together , a beautiful picture is created. Treat your days the same way. They might not makes sense right now individually, but that only means that your life's puzzle isn't complete. Keep living, keep experiencing. You have yet to look back and realize why things happened the way they did, where they fit in your puzzle.

Being human comes with experiencing a spectrum of moods and emotions. There's nothing wrong with you for feeling drained and demotivated in moments where productivity is supposed to be nagging at your attention. You're not weak when you find yourself crying uncontrollably, full on anxiety, when faced with tasks that appear more overwhelming than they actually are. You put so much pressure on yourself that nay traces of imperfection are reflected as failure and frustration. Accept each part of you with kindness. Stop trashing your shoulders and slapping your face with hurtful words and aggression. Take care of yourself more gently when you aren't feeling up tp par. Being proud of who you are isn't only revealed by your external accomplishments, but by having enough self-love to embrace yourself through the tough times, knowing it's essential for your desired performance.

 Drop your shoulders, give out a long thorough breath, and ground yourself in the present moment. Your mind may have been fleeting around today , so come back to your core. Drop the tensions, doubt, and fear, let each inhale replace your worries with the intention of a blessings. Your best days are yet to come, you will overcome your inner obstacles and push yourself harder than you thought possible in becoming the person you aspire to be. Take the leap , the world is waiting on you.

Do all things out of the kindness of your heart. When you act and treat others based on the love that wildly sprouts from within, there will be no need to get angry  over people's inability to match what you've done for them, whether it's their own selfishness or out of pure brokenness. You're full of talents and abilities that help fade scars and give hope that there's ungrudging godness in the world. Remember that life isn't meant to be lived solely for yourself, especially when you're glowing with abundance 

HI

Somewhere in the depths of your heart is the love that i can sense, and that's why it's so hard to let go. Cause somewhere along the way, you got lost trying to find yourself, but did you ever wonder yourself might be here with me? Your heart is here but your eyes will always wander somewhere else for the answer. And i know as you leave once more, you won't miss me, but i wonder if you'll sense missing a part of yourself. 

Maybe time will heal the pain of that person gone. Those late-night calls and warm cuddles will eventually become faint memories of another existence. There may come a day when you have to strain to remember the sound of the laughter that you would once do anything to hear, but their smile, my goodness, their smile will always remain engraved in your mind; it's hard to forget a smile that has so much power over how you, yourself, felt. But being the reason for that smile will no longer feel like the grandest honor because causing your own smile has become important. You'll lose sense of how it felt when they traced their hands along your back and laced their hand in yours. The high from their texts will subside and you'll find yourself moving on. Your heart won't feel as heavy, and you'll become used to the notion of life without them. It's not because you no longer care but because they can't appreciate all that you are. Getting over them won't be easy but here's to a season of progression and recognition of self-worth. Time will continue to piece our hearts together and gravitates us away from the uncertainty of their " maybes". We will grow apart from what once was and advance into what will serve us now.

" One day

   this song, too, will forget

   how it once sang for you"

   alaska 

  

LOVE LETTER

" if I see the autumn leaves falling off the tree, 

I will learn to let you go.

If these footprints of mine gets washed away by the Ocean waves , i will forget you .

If i reach the final page of this book,

I will let you go "

I have been telling myself the same things

Not knowing that it doesn't work at all

Beacuse I have seen many seasons change , 

The footprints in the sand were long gone,

And I have read the same book all over again,

Yet today I woke up missing you a little more

Than I did yesterday

" The sky was freckled with stars

And it was just me and you under them " 

Alaska awma

LETS TALK

Let's talk

Let's talk about how hard it is to open up to someone for no reason

Let's talk about how hard it is to be yourself in a room full of somebody else's

Let's talk about how hard it is to keep a smile even though you're hurt inside

Let's talk about how hard it is to keep pace with everyone else while you take it step by step

Let's talk about the weight on your shoulder.

Let's talk about the 3 am crying and insomnia.

Let's talk about the overthinking on how you think you aren't enough for someone

Let's talk about being insecure about the parts of your body

Let's talk about being lonely even though you have a whole lot of people in the room with you

Let's talk about you feeling not attractive.

Let's talk about you feeling mentally unstable

Let's talk about the anxiety that's been eating you alive

Let's talk about your fear of disappointing the people around you

Let's talk about your fear of being there for the one's you love

Let's talk about your fear of losing someone you love

Open up.

It's better to let it out then letting it consume you

Let's talk

Let's talk about the job that you just got.

Let's talk about the new clothes that you got

Let's talk about the good things happening to you today

Let's talk about your new partner.

Let's talk about how blessed you are.

Let's talk about how you killed your education

Let's talk about your success

Let's talk about the song that you loved so much

Let's talk about the movie you loved so much.

Let's talk about your favourite Kdrama

Let's talk about your crush.

Let's talk about your obsessions

You don't have to be entirely prepared and confident in approaching life to take a step forward. The big picturewith the end goals of your dreams will always appear intimidating. The uncertainty of their ability to flourish into a reality appears as such because you have the courage to attempt reaching a level that only those willing to experience discomfort can attain. There's a blissful realisation that arrives you've been disappointed and let down a number of times.You come to the conclusion that life passes by much too quickly to be Spent locked in a chamber of self-pity . It doesn't mean that there's any less pain but the numbness of its repetition Makes room for the cultivation of All things positive.

Surround yourself with those who find beauty In the crevices of your being- in your creativity, strength and growth- will be your soul's biggest investment . These people will motivate you to develop your craft and reach a potential you thought impossible.

That's it folks..thank you for reading.. I'll update soon and before I go I wanna quote what Rives Pheonix said " Run to the rescue with love and peace will follow "

Take care . 

AA

POEMS I NEVER UPLOAD 2

 " And it scares me to think that a day will come that i'll 
look at you and not feel a thing, that those eyes won't be 
so familiar, that your smile won't pill the strings of this
broken heart. But that is the very problem, that my 
heart was meant to be broken by you, not settled in you.
It scares me to think one day someone will replace 
you and makes me smile and i'll be happy with her.
To think that you'll become nothing more than a memory
somewhere in the past
It scares me to think that i'll think of love and your
name won't be carved in my heart. Because although
loving you is my destruction, it's my comfort. So let me
hold onto you for a moment longer and feel the feeling
of not just loving, but loving you "

" No amount of time can answer the things buried deep
within me, lost somewhere in the broken parts of my world
Left like a chapter tucked away in the walls of my heart,
never to opened again. Never to be answered . Just there to stay
and  forever be reminder of this love
The kind that never surfaced, the kind that
took a apart of me down with her . 
A part no longer mine and no longer hers .
just like the buried things
lost somewhere in the forever "

" If this is all we were meant to be , then let me at least
make you one beautiful story. I will write about
you until the end of my time, and you will inspire the
words within me that touch all lives around. And
although no one will know of your beautiful face, they
will know of your beautiful soul. The world will know
the things about you that you never saw in yourself and
i promise that i will search my whole life to fit you into
words and into a story . For you are something beyond
that, you are the greatest love story inside a broken human
And i have finally made sense of what we are
meant to be. 

I am a writer after all, and you are my greatest story"

" In another life
i write homes for you
on the pages of our days
in another life
we travel enough
to fill libraries for generations"

" sometimes i find you
as a lamp post
on the street corner
of  my mind

a fixture on the road
i used to call home "

- ALASKA AWMA

DEAR ALASKA , AGAIN

Days were simpler back then
when we drove without a clock
and love without a lock

we bared our souls

under cover of rain

and relished the way

it kept our secrets

on couches we discovered ourselves
on floors we spilled ourselves
on pages we defined ourselves

Flying with the breeze 
and talking with the stars
peeling ourselves from
the sofa in front of the window

where we dismantled our wishes and worries

we found shivers in 

the eager autumn chill 

and warmth in the words

of the sweetest poets

Laughing more than we talked

dreaming as we held the future

loving with gasoline coursing through our veins

every touch a spark lightning

we were more than we knew

what to do with

the days before unfinished stories

and leftover promises

i don't know if this 

is how i miss you

or how i leave you 

( but something tells me

this is how i keep you )

- Alaska awma

DEAR ALASKA

 We were settlers of a faraway land 
traversing roads all at once foreign and familiar.
Do you remember the nights spent
foraging for food in stranger
supermarkets? We seasoned red meats in dimly 
lit kitchens and marinated our hearts 
in the rush of escaping reality . 
We were crafting recipes for a future 
we didn't know would never be made 

We were weekend warriors, wild by nature 
and nothing was impossible for us 

A drive of four hours, three bridges ,
two podcast and one place that will
always carry your spirits in its name.
It was never too far when you were
the home waiting for me
on the other side .

_ Alaska awma